10 rape prevention tips for the modern-day woman

21 Aug

Until recently, I had thought that rape involved any sex that was non-consensual. I had also thought that it was easy for people to tell whether or not their partner consented to sex (just ask them?). However, in my quest to become a socially acceptable woman by paying attention to what mainstream culture says about being woman, I have learnt that rape is not as simple as I had previously thought. I have also learnt that the onus is on women to ensure that rape does not happen. It seems that it is important to talk about rape in these terms – as something that happens to women – because it emphasizes the lack of agency suffered by men when it comes to sex. If, as mainstream culture implies, women “provoke” rape, this simultaneously implies that men can’t control themselves. If some men reading this (and the rape prevention tips below) find this suggestion patronizing and ridiculous, this is probably because they aren’t masculine enough. As mainstream culture suggests, real, manly men exist only to have sex with as many women as possible, by any means necessary. If you think you are a man but do not act like this, then I suggest that you seek to become more masculine, by reading Nuts magazine or by using Lynx grooming products, for example. Meanwhile, women who wish to behave in the proper, feminine manner should pay close attention to the advice set out below.

Thankfully, the media has recently provided us women with plenty of pointers to help us to a) avoid rape happening and b) react properly if we fear we may have been raped (note that we are most likely to be mistaken if so). I have summarised these pointers into ten simple tips:

  1. Don’t wear an outfit that a man may find attractive. If you do, it may be understood that you consent to having sex with all men in presence of your outfit (Source: endless examples of court cases where the clothes of the woman are used as key evidence by the defense)
  2. Don’t drink alcohol. If you do, it might be understood that you consent to having sex with any man in your presence (Source: ESRC research into English juries)
  3. Don’t fall asleep next to Julian Assange (Source: Julian Assange’s defense lawyer)
  4. Don’t ever have a consensual sexual partner. This may be understood to mean that you consent to having sex with him for an indefinite period of time after your act of consensual sex (this includes without a condom but not sure if this includes post-death? If anybody can enlighten me, please let me know!) (Source: Julian Assange’s defense lawyer)
  5. It is commonly known that foreplay is more enjoyable for many women than penetrative sex. As a woman, you may wish to enjoy foreplay without having full sex. However, if you do so, be aware that this may be taken as a sign that you consent to penetration. It may therefore be better to avoid all foreplay if you do not wish for rape to happen. In fact, it is probably best, in the presence of males, to look at the floor and only speak when spoken to, as friendliness may be interpreted as flirting, which we all know is always an invitation for sex (Source: see sources for tips 1 and 2).
  6. Don’t be out of the house without a chaperone after dark, or get in a taxi by yourself. If you do so, you are “asking for it”, or in other words, consenting to sex with a) anyone else who happens to be in the street after dark b) the taxi driver (Source: UK Police anti-rape campaigns across the country)
  7. Don’t have lots of sexual partners (obviously “lots” is a subjective term, so it’s probably best never to have sex with anyone, to be on the safe side). If you do, people may understand that you consent to having sex with anyone, anytime, and may jump on top of you at will. (Source: endless examples of court cases where a woman’s known “promiscuity” has been used by the defense, since, obviously, past promiscuity equals consent)
  8. If you think you were raped and you become pregnant as a result of the incident, then you are mistaken about the rape. This is because, in “legitimate” cases of rape, it is impossible to become pregnant (Source: Senate candidate Todd Akin)
  9. If you are a prostitute and you think you have been raped, then you are mistaken, because it is impossible to be raped if you are a prostitute (Source: any good Yahoo or Daily Mail discussion forum). By being a prostitute, you have consented to having sex with anyone, any time, in any way they want, with or without payment.
  10. If, at any time, you think that someone has raped you, think twice about reporting it to the police, because it might be the case that the incident was “surprise sex” rather than rape. (Source: an actual comment that appeared on my facebook page in response to an anti-rape campaign poster. To quote the comment: “Simon calls it a ‘struggle snuggle’ or ‘surprise sex’ apparently the word rape takes the romance out of it (SIC)”. Please note that said “Simon” works as a police officer).

Oh, a couple more for the road. Don’t go anywhere near Dominique Strauss Kahn. Perhaps avoid George Galloway (and John Pilger and Tony Benn for that matter. But it’s not all doom and gloom – don’t forget that rape can be funny: just ask Jimmy Carr or Russell Brand! :)! Have a nice day!


17 Responses to “10 rape prevention tips for the modern-day woman”

  1. Toeland Robson August 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    11. If you are a man and you think you’ve been raped, especially if the ‘rapist’ was a woman, you are mistaken, because all men are big and strong and not sexy enough to be raped.

  2. Toeland Robson August 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    (on another note, this is amazing)

  3. NaturalWoman August 25, 2012 at 8:15 am #

    Good point Toeland. That would not be masculine at all.

  4. NaturalWoman October 4, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

    12. If you have severe physical disabilities that restrict you from verbally communicating, make sure you do not go near any males as you automatically consent to sex at all times just by your presence, given your inability to verbally express lack of consent (Source: Connecticut State Supreme Court, which http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1579990-This-is-seriously-fucked-up)

  5. Circus Queen October 13, 2012 at 9:55 pm #

    Brilliant. I couldn’t help but share this.

  6. damselindetech November 30, 2012 at 12:39 am #

    Great post. I shall be sharing widely. 🙂

    • NaturalWoman November 30, 2012 at 7:57 am #

      Thank you! 🙂

      • Enlightened one January 7, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

        If you do not wish to have sex with a man, do not talk to him or even smile, otherwise he will think you are leading him on. It happened this way to me. Great post. I agree about drinking though, it gives people the wrong idea. If you must drink, do it at home alone.

  7. NaturalWoman January 7, 2013 at 6:10 pm #

    Enlightened One, thanks so much for reading this and commenting. I’m so sorry for the horrible crime that you experienced.

    Whatever the circumstances, rape is never, ever the victim/survivor’s fault. Sadly, we still live in a culture of victim-blaming, where a rapist (and many aspects of society as a whole) will draw on various excuses to remove the blame from themselves, whether it be “leading them on”, alcohol consumption, any of the other reasons I’ve listed above, or a whole load of other excuses that I haven’t included. I believe “giving the wrong impression” is just another terrible way of blaming the victim. There is non-consent and there is (enthusiastic) consent. I see no grey area in between.

    All over the world, women are not free to live without the constant threat of rape, and the legitimate fear of being blamed for it if they are raped.

  8. Lauren CelestiaLuna Verity February 1, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

    The first few sentences, I was like ‘Is she serious?’
    Then I read again and was ‘Oh yeah, missed the dripping sarcasm’.

    • NaturalWoman February 1, 2013 at 10:41 pm #

      Hi Lauren. Thanks for reading. You are right – these posts are saturated with sarcasm. The sad thing is, we hear these “tips” every day without a shred of sarcasm meant.

  9. steel targets ricochet May 12, 2013 at 3:42 am #

    Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly
    long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr… well I’m not
    writing all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to
    say excellent blog!

    • NaturalWoman May 12, 2013 at 7:12 am #

      Thanks so much! Sorry to hear that you had problems with the comment function.


  1. Feminazi witch-hunt of gentlemen with normal sexual preferences « If you tolerate this then your daughters will be next - October 13, 2012

    […] (see Pilger or Chomsky on Assange’s complainants), accused of “provoking” your rapist (see rape prevention tips for reminders on how to avoid this), laughed at (I remember Leeds University men’s hockey time […]

  2. Letter to John Pilger from an Assange Hater | If you tolerate this then your daughters will be next - February 22, 2013

    […] well with the wider rape culture that permeates our society, in which women are expected to follow rape prevention tips if they wish to avoid being blamed for “causing” sexual […]

  3. Repelling sex pests the UKIP way | If you tolerate this then your daughters will be next - May 20, 2013

    […] But what if, unlike Cosmo’s Features Intern, you find the practice of strangers voicing their personal evaluation of your body and sexual attractiveness infuriating and intimidating? Well, you had better modify your behaviour, demeanour and dress: if a man harasses you, it’s your fault, because men are simple beings that are incapable of changing their comportment or controlling their sexual urges. And if a harasser takes things one step further and “abuses” you, well, quite frankly, you are probably mistaken. As Steve Moxon, Andres Breivik sympathiser, Jimmy Saville apologist, ex-UKIP representative and author of The Woman’s Racket argues, “There is plenty of research showing a very high proportion of even formal allegations of sexual assault to police are fabrications (likely the majority…)”.  Indeed, UKIP has embraced blame-culture, so best act now to avoid blame if you are harassed or attacked (for rape prevention tips, go here). […]

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