Repelling sex pests the UKIP way

Top woman’s lifestyle magazine Cosmopolitan, which is surely every woman’s bible for all the dilemmas life rudely thrusts in our faces, says that cat-calling should be taken as a compliment. Cosmo’s Features Intern states that “sometimes a bit of attention, even if it’s in the form of a jeer from a middle-aged man drilling a hole in the street, can feel quite nice.”

Cosmo annual (care of the Onion news)

But what if, unlike Cosmo’s Features Intern, you find the practice of strangers voicing their personal evaluation of your body and sexual attractiveness infuriating and intimidating? Well, you had better modify your behaviour, demeanour and dress: if a man harasses you, it’s your fault, because men are simple beings that are incapable of changing their comportment or controlling their sexual urges (although, funnily enough, when it comes to actual groping they often manage to control such urges until there’s no one around to see, Lib Dem Lord Rennard being a case in point). And if a harasser takes things one step further and “abuses” you, well, quite frankly, you are probably mistaken. As Steve Moxon, Andres Breivik sympathiser, Jimmy Saville apologist, ex-UKIP representative and author of The Woman’s Racket argues, “There is plenty of research showing a very high proportion of even formal allegations of sexual assault to police are fabrications (likely the majority…)”.  Indeed, UKIP has embraced blame-culture, so best act now to avoid blame if you are harassed or attacked (for rape prevention tips, go here).

So, how to divert unwanted sexual attention? There are many theories, but given the rising power of UKIP and the abundance of British Citizens voting to live the UKIP way (rumour has it that the home counties have already declared independence from Europe), it is intelligent to draw some sex pest repellence tips from UKIP itself. Indeed, it is important to pay close attention to UKIP’s own suggestions of how we can repel their supporters and members, given the sex-pest-esque way senior UKIP members treat wimmin-folk.

As far as I am aware, UKIP leader Nigel Farage, who is himself open about his hobby paying young women to take their clothes off, has yet to harangue fellow high-ranking UKIP politician Godfrey Bloom for his misogynist claims that businesses are mad to hire women of child-bearing age. Apparently, for Bloom, women belong in the kitchen and bedroom.  His hobby? Taking “big-titted bimbettes” (more commonly known as female politics students) to the European parliament. To be fair to Farage, he did sack Scottish UKIP MP and regular punter John Houston after the latter advocated for free visits to brothels for civil servants, work camps for people with disabilities, execution for the mentally ill and separate communities for people with facial disfigurements.  How to avoid unwanted attention from the likes of Houston and Bloom? Well, besides leaving your big tits at home when you go out, you could also try these three simple tips:

1) Wear trousers

Demetri Marchessini, one of UKIP’s most generous donors, suggests in his book Women in Trousers: a Rear View  (a book featuring photographs of the women of London and New York and their unattractive, trouser-clad bottoms) that women are currently “using trousers like a uniform every single day. This is hostile behaviour. They are deliberately dressing in a way that is opposite to what men would like. It is behaviour that flies against common sense, and also flies against the normal human desire to please.”

Godfrey Bloom and his “girls”

2) Wear jeans, or, if it’s winter, go bare-legged. Also consider strappy ankle shoes and, if over a size 10, try wearing a slip dress

Says UKIP supporter Joan Collins, if you are unfeminine enough, men will turn gay, which greatly reduces the danger of unwanted sexual attention. According to Collins, ankle-strap shoes are “seriously unattractive.” She also advises that women over a size 10 do not look good in slip dresses, and no one is appealing with bare legs in winter. In a damning indictment of the classic american trouser, she describes jeans as “rarely glamourous.” Levis it is then.

3) Speak. Lots. Preferably in a foreign accent

Des Lynam, ex-BBC sports presenter and prominent UKIP supporter has described the female voice as “grating and unattractive” after having to listen to wimmin-commentators throughout the past summer’s Olympic events (Lynam must surely have got on well with the late national treasure Sir Patrick Moore, fellow UKIP fan, who famously complained of women ruining the BBC). If you find that speaking with your banshee-like voice is in itself not enough to get rid of any pests, then try speaking in a foreign accent, especially one belonging to one of the poorer EU Member states, and your harasser will disappear quicker than you can say “political correctness gone mad.”

Let us close this blogpost with a poem in memory of the political career of Geoffrey Clark, recently dismissed from UKIP due to his interesting policy suggestions, which included forced abortion of fetuses with down syndrome and euthanasia for the over 80s as a solution to NHS overspending:

“WE MUST TURN THE TIDE, AND THEN ADVANCE”

=======================================

… Do you see?

It’s so much like the end of Rome

With all the Roman legions returning home

Permitting Britannia to burn, decay, alone.

But other foreign legions are returning,

Bringing a kind of cancer in their wake;

Cancer not of Britain’s doing, but one that Britons make.

Our present leaders are elected to preside

Over our ancient green and pleasant land

Just to give it all away, to an alien hand.

So this cancer slowly spreads all around us.

Then our empire crashes, near unnoticed.

Must we hand it to the strangers without protest?

Will our children hate us for an absent deed? –

The treachery of which is so apparent?

With marriage killed, what deed is more abhorrent?

First freedom, then glory, and when that fails,

Wealth, vice, corruption. Barbarism at last!

‘Tis but the same rehearsal of the past.

…So do we wait, or do we act?

We must strike out now, and turn the tide,

There is very little more time to wait,

‘Else children will have for us the guilty, nought but hate.”

By Geoffrey Clark 17.11.12

though George Gordon Byron helped with verse 6

 

Merida gets a “bikini body”

Aspiring, feminine, natural women, did you know that you aren’t a proper woman unless you undertake an annual ritual to obtain a “bikini body” ahead of the summer months? No? Well fear not, for today we shall be tapping into the wisdom of Merida, star of Brave, who has successfully – well, almost successfully – made her body “beach ready” just in time for a trip to California where she will be crowned as Disney’s newest princess. Follow her process and you too could look vaguely acceptable during the two hours of summer that are forecast for Britain this year:

1)   Merida underwent the Smell Diet – that’s the one in which you can smell as much food as you want, as long as you don’t eat any – to slim her waist down until it measured no more than the circumference of her neck.

Merida before and after getting her body “beach ready”

2)   Merida, despite being a teenager, acquired all-important breast implants, because if your boobs aren’t large, pert and symmetrical enough, you most certainly aren’t “bikini ready.”

3)   Merida had her offensively frizzy hair tamed and her face made-over using a cocktail of overpriced beauty products in order to make her overall image more alluring. She then ditched her bow and arrow (sporting skills are such a turn-off in girls) and covered her simple Highland dress in diamante sparkles, because all young ladies like nothing more than to shine.

What did Merida forget? Her self-tan of course! Silly girl. Her pale skin gives her an ill look, which will surely offend the eye when she arrives at the beach. Due to Merida’s neglect of this essential step in the bikini-body process, it is impossible to publish a photograph of her in swimming attire. If you forget any steps whilst trying to get beach-ready, I advise that you keep your body fully covered else you put your fellow holidaymakers off their low-fat ice creams. Sceptical? You shouldn’t be. Just ask Samantha Brick.

Brenda Chapman, Merida’s creator, described the character’s makeover, in which Merida was given rounder eyes, less frizzy hair, lipstick and a thinner waist ready for her addition to Disney’s collection of princesses, as “horrible”, “a blatantly sexist marketing move based on money,” adding that “Disney marketing and the powers that be that allow them to do such things should be ashamed of themselves.” Chapman explained that she had created Merida in order to break the mould of the typical beautiful but vapid Disney princess, “to give young girls a better, stronger role model, a more attainable role model, something of substance, not just a pretty face that waits around for romance.” However, thanks to pressure from campaigners like Chapman, plus a petition signed by over 200,000 created by the website A Mighty Girl, Disney have been forced to do a U-Turn. The original, pre-glamourous make-over Merida has now taken her throne in the Disney Princess hall of fame,  although some merchandise still includes the sexed-up image.

As Jezebel has pointed out, Merida isn’t the first Disney Princess to get a makeover. Check out Tiana (pictured here after and before) from the Princess and The Frog (Disney’s one and only African American princess) who received a nose job before being used to sell merchandise.

Response to letter regarding Sun’s request

I was grateful to receive a response from Charity Comms this morning to my letter (http://yourdaughterswillbenext.wordpress.com/2013/05/10/in-response-to-suns-request-for-a-naked-photoshoot/) regarding a request from a The Sun journalist, which was circulated by the Charity Comms service on Friday. I promised to publish any responses, so please find the message below:

In response to Sun’s request for a naked photoshoot

Dear Matthew,

I am writing to you in response to the request that popped up in my inbox earlier this afternoon. I have also copied in Charity Comms, which deemed your request as relevant to charities that fall into the “women’s group”, “children” or “family welfare” categories. I do hope that you receive several replies from “women’s groups” and that said “women’s groups” tell you exactly what they think of you.

Let me recount for you a memory from my childhood. I recall a day out with my father in which we passed a man on a bench staring fixatedly at the highly sexualised image of a bare-breasted young woman in a newspaper. I remember how this sight provoked a feeling of surprise, disgust and anger in my heart but, given my young age, I could not articulate why. When my father and I returned home, I found my mother breastfeeding my younger sister. My immediate reaction was to fetch a tea towel to cover her bare chest, lest a stranger should ogle at her body in the style of that same repulsive man in the street. I think that is the day that I became a feminist. I wanted my mother, my sister and indeed women and girls in general to be seen by all as more than objects, mere pieces of meat, for men’s sexual gratification. Your newspaper, filled with men in clothes doing “useful” things, a single giant image of a girl in her pants, and, apparently, as of Tuesday, naked Real Women TM in “nude thongs” who can only “get happier” when men rate their bodies favourably, is, therefore, not one of my favourite publications. Just so you know.

Your request implies that women have psychological problems and that we are “overly negative” on ourselves when we “needn’t be.” I completely agree that many women have a much lower sense of self-worth than they should have. We are plagued by body dismorphia, eating disorders, shame and crippling insecurities. However, I would argue that having men publicly rate the sexual attractiveness of naked women does little to improve women’s self-confidence and self-worth. Rather, it does the exact opposite. Why do women, generally speaking, have such low body confidence? Because we are taught, you might even say brainwashed, from birth by the mainstream media, fairytales, toys, films, advertisements, adults, peers and so on that our worth is inextricably tied-up with male approval and that male approval is dependant on being beautiful, attractive and sexually available. We can escape this, not by having Sun Readers, Gok Wan, Dove or Boots tell us that we possess Real Beauty TM, but by severing the ties between our self-worth and our perceived sexual attractiveness. The “health feature” you plan for Tuesday’s edition of The Sun, on the other hand, reaffirms for many women that their very happiness and psychological wellbeing should be based on male perceptions of their naked bodies.

I would like to end my letter in a civilised fashion. However, I’ve had a long day at work, which was made longer by my outrage at receiving your shitty request. So, I’m just going to bid you farewell immaturely and, in a petty fashion, wish that someone who is more technically savvy than me photoshops a picture of you (and perhaps also Rupert Murdoch and your other misogynist colleagues) so that you appear naked but for a “nude thong”, ready to be rated by millions. I wonder if a Sun psychologist will tell you that this is an empowering experience and that you will “get happier” as a result. I think not.

Joanna

David Cameron: a style guide

Inspired by a recent 6-page-long analysis of St Margaret Thatcher’s style, “look” and “power dressing”, I have of late been thinking of the way in which we analyse the dressing, grooming and physical appearance of our women politicians. Such focus on their clothes and looks helps to demean the political campaigns and professional activities of such women, which is important since, after all, no country is safe with a female in charge. Instead of seeking power, women should stick to what they do best: sitting pretty and looking sexy for the male population. If women need help and support in this mission, they can consult magazines such as Glamour, which remind women of the ugly, fat, imperfect beings that they are and convince readers of the need to purchase expensive products that aid ladies to look better.

If you are a male politician eager to shepherd the woman vote, you could do worse than to be interviewed by a woman’s fashion mag. After all, despite the fact that David Cameron’s austerity cuts disproportionately affect women and are likely to regress women’s equality, I will still vote for him because, ever since he was interviewed in Glamour and Grazia magazines, he just seems so fashionable and stylish (David Cameron has launched a concerted strategy to woo the woman-vote by appearing in misogynistic fashion mags! I know this is old news but I’ve been out of the political loop lately as my focus on the crippling but incredibly successful Gywneth Paltrow No Food Diet  has left me too weak to read newspapers). Anyway, to cut to the chase: all this has called for a Natural Woman exclusive interview with the Prime Minister himself, our very own, real-life, Mr Darcy. Enjoy…

 Natural Woman: Welcome Prime Minister! And yes, girls, he’s just as hot in real life :)

Prime Minister: Thank you! It’s a pleasure to be here. Please, call me Dave.

Natural Woman: So, Call Me Dave, what’s your process for grooming every morning?

Call Me Dave: Well, I like to cleanse, tone and moisturise. You see, with all the stress of being Prime Minister, my skin tends to suffer. My forehead in particular gets really dry, especially on PMQ Wednesdays, because the salty sweat I excrete with all the lies and half-truths really agitates the skin.

Anyway, after moisturising, I like to apply foundation. It makes my skin tone nice and even. Then, about 6:30 every morning, my Celebrity Stylist arrives. He’s great – he gives me the perfect, slick comb-over and applies some great hair product to keep the style shiny and in-place all day. I truly believe the comb-over is the best style for today’s Tory gentleman. It’s classy, timeless, perfect for any occasion or workplace, and can be manipulated to suit any face shape – even my famously two-faced Lib Dem colleague Cleggy gets away with it!

Natural Woman: Great – that sounds very thorough! Although, in our view, there is always more you could do to look better… Anyway, with such an in-depth beauty regime, how do you find the time to run the country?

Call Me Dave: Ah well, I’m a lucky man! My wonderful wife SamCam helps me with most of the important decisions. For example, if ever I get Delhi-belly following too much curry post party conference, she helps consult my skid marks the next day. Together, we follow our inner-spirits to help us interpret the telling, sooth-saying shapes on the toilet bowl or my pants, which are sent to us by Dame Thatcher, from beyond the grave. This process always guides the most crucial of my policy decisions, as you can probably tell.

Natural Woman: Inspirational! So, Call Me Dave, do you own a ManBag?

Call Me Dave: Of course! Briefcases just don’t cut the mustard these days. I need a bag with room to hold all my papers, evil plans to exterminate Britain’s underclass, my gym clothes (it’s really important for me to keep in shape, especially since SamCam and I have got a holiday coming up) and my diary, so that I can keep track of my appointments for drinkypoos with George.

So anyway, the manbag is bang on trend yet still looks great paired with my vintage two-piece suits. Oh, and the full-grain leather shell feels just wonderful against my skin if I’ve decided to flash a little flesh

Natural Woman: I can imagine…

Call Me Dave: Calm down dear

Natural Woman: Cheeky! Call Me Dave, you’re a hoot! I’m so voting for you in the next election

 Gallery of Call Me Dave’s Five Key Looks for Summer

Call Me Dave gets down with the plebs by ruffling his hair and bravely going tieless. Booyakasha!

Call Me Dave wooing the woman-vote with this dashing, Hugh-Grantesque look. This pic was taken during Dave’s days at the Bullingdon club, a members-only gathering for the rich and posh with a penchant for partaking in arson (not the good kind!) now and then.

Dave teasingly leaves a few buttons open… strip-tease sexy… or perhaps the belly roles indicate that Dave’s let himself go of late – Could it be the trauma of the breakdown in his relationship with Cleggy? Watch Made in Chelsea, which has kindly sponsored this article, to find out.

Dave attempting to get his body beach-ready (Natural Woman has sold this photograph to Heat magazine, where Call Me Dave will deservedly be ripped to pieces for daring to look so ugly in public).

By creating a Slim silhouette with his soft-shouldered jacket and clean lines, Call Me Dave managed to persuade two common people to perform a Bullingdon sándwich. Tragically, he broke the spell by farting.

50 Shades of Pink Laptops

Perhaps you have the raw talent to pen a literary masterpiece, much like the one above by yours truly. Perhaps, though, you lack the technical know-how to be able to type up your creations on a standard computer. If this is you, worry not sister, as Fujitsu, Delle and Eurostar have created tablets, e-pads and laptops that are simple enough for even a woman to get the hang of.

First of all, lets check out Eurostar’s E-pad Femme. It may sound like a make of sanitary towel, but in fact it is every woman’s dream. It comes with a whole range of woman-friendly apps pre-downloaded (so that you don’t need to get in a tizzy when you can’t manage to procure them yourself): a tape-measure app, to make sure you aren’t getting too chubby, a cooking app, so you can make your husband a delicious dinner every night and a “woman’s assistant” app, which provides you with weight-loss tips (if you didn’t know it already, YOU’RE FAT). Likewise, technology giant Delle’s for her Della (see what they did there?) website offers tips on calorie counting and cooking.

E-pad Femme

Although the E-pad Femme comes in a pretty shade of pink, it may not be glamorous enough for every woman. Ladies with a taste for all things diamante may prefer Fujitsu’s latest model. Since females are attracted to shiny things (men, take note and get some pejazzle sorted), Fujitsu has come up with the sinister-sounding Floral Kiss computer, which features bejewelled keys, a power button with a “pearl-like accent,” gold-trimmed casing and “a flip latch that can easily open the display—even by users with long fingernails.” Charmed, I’m sure. I have made a note in my Ladydate Diary to buy a Floral Kiss (and hope against hope that no one ever performs one on me). I will then be able to finish my erotic parody 50 Shades of Pink safe in the knowledge that my manicure will not suffer.

Ladydate Diary, complete with gold-grained cover and gilted edges, so you can keep track of all your ladydates to do ladylike things in style.

Supporting the Police with further ridiculous safety tips to help me not get raped

Trigger warning: the following contains photos that may serve as a trigger to victims of sexual violence

It seems that the Police believe that women would not worry about their own safety if the Police did not tell them too. Therefore, in order to reduce rapes, the Police tell us to follow their top safety tips, which apparently will stop rape happening: do not drink; do not walk home alone; do not take minicabs; do not behave in a “seductive” way; do not talk to strangers; do not dress “provocatively,” etcetera etcetera. If you neglect to follow these tips and you are consequently raped, it is your own fault. The rapist has no agency in his actions. Rape is a passive phenomenon that women leave themselves open to if they do not behave in certain modest ways. Men cannot help themselves. Or so imply the Police’s anti-rape campaigns.

Let me add that the Police seem to be unaware that most rapists do not follow the “knife-wielding stranger down the dark alleyway” model (although, truth be told, some do), that most rapists are known to the victim, and that, therefore, the Police’s “tips” are redundant since the only way for a woman to avoid getting raped is to avoid being in the company of rapists, which is, unfortunately, impossible.

Thames Valley police’s trigger-inducing anti-rape poster tells girls not to drink (and parents not to buy their daughter’s drink) less a helpless boy find himself raping them

Sickeningly badly-judged poster from the Met Police. This poster has forced me to begin several a tube-catching day in the most foul of moods.

West Mercia police have now apologised for the above poster, and have admitted that rapists, rather than alcohol, cause rape.

Let’s be clear – all things considered, the Police’s safety-tip-focused, don’t-get-raped campaigns are somewhat misogynist, given their focus on victim-blaming (the non-misogynist alternative would be anti-rape campaigns that encourage men not to rape). In response, the wonderful world of twitter feminists has created a few sublime #safetytipsforladies to complement the Police’s ridiculousness.

 Ladies, to avoid rape, try the following:

-       “Carry a whistle, people may think you are a high school football coach and respect your autonomy”

-       “It’s well known that rapists have evil background music accompaniment, so keep your ears open and listen!”

-       “Avoid places where there are rapists or possible rapists, the moon for example is currently men free”

-       “Fill your vagina with cement and let it dry”

-        “Safe fashion outfits include a Sherman tank, a hollowed-out rhinoceros, and a Wheelie bin with holes cut for your feet”

-       “Skin tantalizes rapists, whether visible or coquettishly covered. Leave your skin at home.”

-        “Don’t be attacked by guys with a promising future. That is the absolute WORST decision you can make.”

-        “Rapists love ponytails. Surround yourself with ponies and the rapists will be too confused to attack”

-       “Always project strong body language. Rapists are put off by women who walk on their hands continuously”

-        “The majority of rapists are known to the victim. Consider not knowing any men.”

-       “It is a fact that rapists target human ladies, so be an animorph. Transform into an eagle at the first sign of danger.”

-       “If you hide your forearms in your sleeves, the rapist will mistake you for a T-Rex and carry on his way”

-       “If you wear a broccoli safety-pinned to your lapel manly carnivorous men will be repelled and won’t rape you”

-        “Always carry a Furby. It’s a proven fact that everyone is afraid Furbies, so when attacked, throw it at the rapist.”

-        “Just accept rape cultures definition of consent. Then you can never be raped.”

-        “Take a course on personal empowerment and then wear a cape to let would-be-rapists know that you are empowered.”

-        “When approached in a bar by a man you don’t know … what were you doing in a bar anyway you slut?”

-       “Stop being a woman in public”

How do fashion labels treat the people who make our clothes?

@sssukiii brings us an insightful infographic to encourage us to think critically about what we buy: Ethical Fashion Guide.

Click on the Ethical Fashion Guide link at the top of the page to open the guide. The red sewing machines indicate better policies.

A few months ago I  read this horrifying article about the corruption surrounding the Tazreen factory fire in Bangladesh. Workers sewing clothes for Walmart, Sears and MJ Soffe, were told to sit at their machines after a fire alarm sounded. As they’d never had a fire drill practice before, most of the workers did as they were told, until smoke started spiralling up the stairs. There was no fire escape. Then the lights went out. Many tried to escape through the windows, which were blocked by grates. By chance some were able to escape by climbing down a web of flimsy scaffolding that builders had left by the building.

The complexity of supply chains and the income they bring to families and third world nations makes it all too easy to ignore the lack of information about the conditions our clothes are made in. When we feel compelled to find out more, that same hand wringing complexity may leave us wondering where to buy our clothes. Garments account for 80 per cent of Bangladesh’s total export earnings; it is virtually the nation’s only industry. It also has the lowest labour costs of all the garment’s producing countries in the world.

Improving labour conditions may change this, making the country less attractive to organisations like Walmart, which is one of the biggest buyers of clothes made in the region. The fact that responsible practices are so relative is why it’s now more important than ever for brands to ensure they’re transparent and clear about the conditions their products are made in.

We decided that some kind of visual and easy to understand guide was needed to help people make sense of how brands are responding to socially conscious consumers. Two organisations working to raise awareness of how companies are improving labour conditions are http://www.labourbehindthelabel.org/ and Netherlands based, http://rankabrand.org.

Rank a Brand have several criteria which they use to score brands on their labour conditions, accounting for things such as whether:

-       companies have a code of conduct, outlining hygienic conditions and standards against forced child labour and discrimination.

-       their workers can join trade unions

-       their factories are audited and audit information is responded to

-       they aim to improve labour conditions as a wider organisation

This straightforward system, which aligns with the structure of a basic code of conduct, was ideal for creating a visual tool to compare how ethical brands are.

The graphic we’ve created shows how little high-end brands invest in demonstrating their integrity despite being all about image. Several exclusive brands, including Paul Smith and Dior, stand out for the lack of information they offer consumers about how their clothes were made. A few such as Burberry claim to use British suppliers, however, as they haven’t felt the need to tell us who these suppliers are, or the conditions they work in, they have been placed at the dubious end of the scale.

Company practices are of course always changing, so the graphic functions as a snap shot of what industry is currently doing. Rank a Brand’s research shows how vastly brands differ in the way they’re improving labour conditions and how relative these ethical practices are. Being able to compare these visually may help people make a more informed, if not ideal, choice.

In this sense, simply boycotting brands may not the answer. Pressure needs to be put on improving ethical supply chains. So if you discover that your clothes were made in bad conditions why not turn that shame into action by contacting the company who made them?

By @sssukiii

Letter to CNN’s rape apologists

Dear Ms Crowley and Ms Harlow,

After a few days away from the Anglophone media, I was this morning alerted to your news report, date 17^th March, on the trial of the Steubenville rapists: the high school boys who kidnapped a 16 year old girl who was vomiting at the roadside and fell unconscious, then drove her – over a period of several hours – from party to party where they repeatedly gang raped and urinated on her. They and their delighted, laughing pals filmed the attacks whilst shouting comments such as “she is so raped,” “they raped her quicker than Mike Tyson!”, “they raped her more than the Duke lacrosse team!”; and she was “deader than Trayvon Martin” and then shared videos and photographs via social media, which, incidentally, went viral. Laurie Penny has compared these images to the photographs taken between the 1880′s and 1930′s, which show white Americans grinning beneath the naked mutilated body of a black man or woman hanging behind them from a tree. The lynching photographs were souvenirs of a collective action whose participants felt perfectly justified in what they had done, just as those Steubenville boys did. And you reinforce their sense of justification.

As you are no doubt aware, when the girl (commonly known in the media as Jane Doe) and her family reported the crime to the police, she began to receive death threats as inhabitants of the town of Steubenville, Ohio, united in an attempted mass cover up of the rapes, in order to protect the implicated young boys, who happened to be the town’s star football players.

You could say that Jane Doe has been raped many times: firstly by the boys that invaded her unconscious body; secondly by the party-goers who watched and did nothing; thirdly by the people that delighted in sharing and mocking pictures of her ordeal via social media; and now by the great masses of rape apologists who rally behind her rapists rather than her (you may count yourselves in this final category).

Pardon the digression. Back to your news report. To jog your memories, here is a link to your report: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cvUCDjLDIk. I have also enclosed a transcript of your dialogue in case your internet connection is too slow for you to watch the video comfortably (see below).

In your report, the two of you, plus your “expert”, Paul Callan, express incredible levels of sadness, sympathy and regret for those poor rapists who will spend over a year in a detention centre for their crimes. You feel, I quote, “incredibly emotional” at the sight of these boys crying in court as “their lives fell apart”. Indeed, Ms Harlow, in terms of the compassion you feel for the two boys, you say that you’ve “never experienced anything like it.” All three of you lament that these boys will now be labeled as sex offenders for their whole lives, despite being “good students.”

It’s so very sad when rapists get caught, especially when they are good students. I feel your pain… I really do (I don’t) … and so I have developed a few tips to help you help other defenceless young boys in potential danger of having their lives ruined with custodial sentences and appearances on the sex offenders register:

1) Don’t commit a sex offence*

I can’t think of any more tips.

Yours sincerely,

Joanna Allan

* Kidnapping someone, repeatedly raping them, urinating on them and filming it constitutes a sex offence.

P.S. Will CNN be televising a public apology for this appalling piece of journalism?

P.P.S Your report on this trial breaks my heart. I have never been more amazed and disgusted by anything I have read or heard from a journalist.

TRANSCRIPT FROM CNN NEWS REPORT ON STEUBENVILLE VERDICT

CROWLEY: “Again, this case was played out in juvenile court, that is why there was a judge, no jury. He decided on the verdict, as well as, you heard there, talking about the sentence.

We want to go now to CNN’s Poppy Harlow. She is in Steubenville, and has been covering this trial.

I cannot imagine having just watched this on the feed coming in. How emotional that must have been sitting in the courtroom.”

POPPY HARLOW, CNN CORRESPONDENT: “I’ve never experienced anything like it, Candy. It was incredibly emotional — incredibly difficult even for an outsider like me to watch what happened as these two young men that had such promising futures, star football players, very good students, literally watched as they believe their life fell apart.

One of — one of the young men, Ma’lik Richmond, when that sentence came down, he collapsed. He collapsed in the arms of his attorney, Walter Madison. He said to me, “My life is over. No one is going to want me now.”

Very serious crime here. Both found guilty of raping this 16- year-old girl at a series of parties back in August, alcohol-fueled parties. Alcohol is a huge part in this.

But Trent Mays was also found guilty on a second count and that is of felony illegal use of a minor in nudity-oriented material because he took a photograph of the victim laying naked on the floor that night. Trent Mays will serve two years in a juvenile detention facility. Ma’lik Richmond will serve one year on that one count that he was found guilty for.

I want to let our viewers listen because for the first time in this entire trial we have now heard from the two young men. Trent Mays stood up, apologizing to the victim’s family in court. After him, Ma’lik Richmond.”

Listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRENT MAYS, FOUND GUILTY OF RAPING IN JUVENILE COURT: “I would really like to apologize to (INAUDIBLE), her family, my family and community. No pictures should have been sent out or should be taken. That’s all. Thank you.”

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: “Anything you’d like to say, Ma’lik?”

MA’LIK RICHMOND, FOUND GUILTY OF RAPE IN JUVENILE COURT:” I would like to apologize. I had no intention to do anything like that and I’m sorry to put you guys through this. (INAUDIBLE) I’m sorry.”

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HARLOW:” I was sitting about three feet from Ma’lik when he gave that statement. It was very difficult to watch.

You know, something that came up throughout this sentencing. Ma’lik’s father had gotten up and spoke. Ma’lik has been living with guardians. His father, a former alcoholic, gotten to a lot of trouble with the law, been in prison before.

And his father stood up and he told the court, ‘I feel responsible for this. I feel like I wasn’t there for my son.’ And before that, he came over to the bench where his son was sitting. He approached him, he hugged him and whispered in his ear.

And Ma’lik’s attorney said to us in a courtroom, I have never heard Ma’lik’s father before say, I love you. He’s never told his son that. But he just did today.

This was an incredibly emotional day. These two juveniles being carried out and they will be committed today, Candy.”

I want to bring in Paul Callan, our CNN legal contributor.

You know, Paul, a 16-year-old now just sobbing in court, regardless of what big football players they are, still sound like 16 year olds. The other one, 17. A 16-year-old victim.

The thing is, when you listen to it and you realize that they could stay until they’re 21, they are going to get credit for time served. What’s the lasting effect, though, on two young men being found guilty in juvenile court of rape, essentially?

PAUL CALLAN, CNN LEGAL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, you know, Candy, we’ve seen here a courtroom drenched in tears and tragedy and, you know, Poppy’s description, I think, you know, sums it all up. But across America scenes like this happen all the time.

I know as a prosecutor and defense attorney, when that verdict is handed down, usually it’s just the family and families of the defendants and the victims, there’s always that moment of just lives are destroyed. And lives have already been destroyed by the crime. And we got a chance to see that.

But in terms of what happens now, yes, the most severe thing with these young men is being labeled as registered sex offenders. That label is now placed on them by Ohio law and, by the way, the laws in most other states now require such a designation in the face of such a serious crime.

That will haunt them for the rest of their lives. Employers, when looking up their background, will see they’re registered sex offender. When they move into a new neighborhood and somebody goes on the Internet where these things are posted. Neighbors will know they’re a registered sex offender.

It’s really something that will have a lasting impact. Much more of a lasting impact than going to a juvenile facility for one or two years.

Things people wouldn’t say about/to men

In an attempt to preserve and document #thingspeopledontsaytomen:

“Look how he’s dressed. What a cunttease!”

“You may well have a point, sir, but nobody will listen to you unless you stop being so shrill and hysterical”

“Raven haired George Osborne delivered the budget in his shiny black shoes and prim blue suit”

“If we had all-white, all-male shortlists we wouldn’t get very good candidates”

He’s a “Working Father”/a “Career Father”/a “Single Father”

“He’s such a whore/slut”

“Update your wardrobe with this seasons must-have colours!”

“Stop being such a big boy’s shirt”

“Let’s go over and listen to the commentary from the boys’ event.”

“Hahahaha a male mechanic? Can they even take a wheel off?”

“Don’t be so sensitive! Jokes about men being raped/beaten/murdered are just harmless banter”

“So when is she gonna put a ring on that finger?”

“He’s really clever & successful but I bet he would give it all up to be pretty. It’s a shame for him”

“Why didn’t you change your name when you got married?”

“He must be lying. He’s a manipulative attention-seeker”

“What’s up with the temper? Having your raspberry week, or what?”

“Do you want to share a school run?”

“Phwoar look at the legs on that. I was talking about the beer, honest dahlin’”

“Damn baby, how are you? You’re sexy. Why won’t you talk to me? I’m just trying to be nice, you fat bastard.”

“If you didn’t want strangers to shout things at you about your body, then you shouldn’t have worn those shorts”

“Men are really bad at spatial awareness. It’s because of cave people that men have car accidents all the time.”

“Your biological clock is ticking!”

“Oooh, a business trip! Are you going to get some time for shopping?”

“Most men secretly want to be raped. It’s nature.”

“What are you wearing?”

“Your anger at being treated like a subhuman fucktoy is probably due to a hormonal fluctuation, nothing more.”

“Nothing grosser than a man who doesn’t shave his entire body. Ewwwwwwwwww!”

“I think you’re so *brave* for not wearing make up! I wish I could get away with that.”

“GET YOUR COCK OUT FOR THE LADS/GIRLS!”

“Look at David Cameron pouring his curves into his suit.”

“All that beer is gonna go straight to his hips!”

“Don’t rape.”

“You manage to combine being a full-time scientist with being a father?! Amazing!”

“I’m going to have to ask you to change jobs, because you’ve been sexually harassed by the boss.”

“He should “save himself” for marriage”

“You’re very handsome. How come you aren’t married? Is it because you work too hard?”

“He says he was raped but he was obviously asking for it.”